Years ago as Jamie and I were beginning our marriage ministry, we spent many hours pouring over the scriptures and meeting with ministers whom we respected to get their input on divorce among Christians.
Unfortunately in the church today divorce is as prevalent inside the church as it is outside it. The percentages are that 50% of marriages will end in divorce whether non-Christian or Christian. That led us to really begin thinking about the reasons for divorce and are there ever reasons beyond the obvious that square with scripture?
Jesus, when answering the Pharisees, gives us the foundational wisdom on divorce: Matt. 19:8-9 Amp "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for immorality and marries another woman commits adultery."
We find that husbands and wives hearts get hardened toward each other and give each other no grace. Then it is almost impossible to work with them to reconcile their differences. However, what about abuse and neglect notwithstanding adultery? Are there some situations in which divorce is warranted when adultery is not present?
Scripture does not speak to it directly, however, we do get some guidance from Paul in I Corinthians 7:10-16. Paul makes a distinction between a believer married to an unbeliever and a marriage between two believers. In the first case, he instructs the believer to stay with the unbelieving spouse as long as they consent to live together. But if the unbelieving spouse chooses to leave, let them leave. The believing spouse is not under bondage in such cases.
A very wise pastor whom we respect very much took those passages and expanded on them to include a believer who was acting as if he/she were an unbeliever. In other words being abusive or neglectful of their spouses' and children's needs. So in that case you could apply Paul's logic that the believing spouse was not bound because of the unbelieving spouses' actions.
Jamie and I have always been troubled by the number of Christian couples that divorce where adultery is not involved. Many times they just did not seek to meet each others needs and eventually their hearts became hardened toward each other and their love died.
If you're in that situation today, you and your spouse are at odds with each other, not giving each other any grace and hardening your hearts, I beg you to stop and look at what you are doing. If you are Christians perhaps the Holy Spirit will remind you of Jesus' words to the Pharisees- "it is because of your hardness of heart that Moses allowed you to divorce." But it was never intended to be that way.
Please consider that God hates divorce for what it does to his children. It destroys relationships and devastates their families. If you are in that place today, please get help now. God heals and is ready to heal your marriage, to break down the hardness in your heart and put your relationship back together.
We are always here for you to contact us. We will meet with you and invite the Holy Spirit into your relationship to show you how to heal it!
Blessings.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Marriage Books+ H.S. equal great marriage
Last week we met with a young married couple that just wanted to make their marriage better. They were dealing with a few issues nothing major but just wanted to go from Good to Better to Best.
The Holy Spirit is the key. Although they had several great marriage books and had sound counsel before getting married they still needed that key called the Holy Spirit to make their marriage the best it could be.
They left that night knowing that they were on the right track to becoming one in their relationship together. The Holy Spirit was showing them the way to work through their issues. To use some of that advice from the marriage books they had read but not been able to apply.
God's challenge to us is to take two separate people, individuals, and blend them together so that they appear as one. Is that not the greatest blessing in marriage to be of one spirit and mind? Together you can handle every problem, every challenge that the world throws your way.
The Holy Spirit will do that for you if you listen to Him and invite Him into your issues. He will show you how to resolve them and knit your hearts together as one. Invite Him in today!
The Holy Spirit is the key. Although they had several great marriage books and had sound counsel before getting married they still needed that key called the Holy Spirit to make their marriage the best it could be.
They left that night knowing that they were on the right track to becoming one in their relationship together. The Holy Spirit was showing them the way to work through their issues. To use some of that advice from the marriage books they had read but not been able to apply.
God's challenge to us is to take two separate people, individuals, and blend them together so that they appear as one. Is that not the greatest blessing in marriage to be of one spirit and mind? Together you can handle every problem, every challenge that the world throws your way.
The Holy Spirit will do that for you if you listen to Him and invite Him into your issues. He will show you how to resolve them and knit your hearts together as one. Invite Him in today!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Team Player!
You hear it ever time a great athletic achievement is discussed in the media. "The're all team players." To accomplish anything great in athletics or for that matter life in general, you have to be a team player. You've heard the quote, "No man is an island." Well its true in marriage as well. You can't have a great marriage if both of you are playing like individuals.
The best marriages are always team efforts. Just like in football, each member of the team has their own assignment. The offensive linemen have to block the defensive linemen. The tight end has to block his man, the running back on a pass play has a blocking assignment. If someone misses their assignment it usually means a busted play.
In marriage, all the assignments have to be covered. Someone has to make the money, someone has to pay the bills and balance the checkbook. someone has to keep the house. Many of these tasks should be shared like rearing the children.
God designed marriage to be that way. When He created Men and Women, He designed them to be uniquely qualified for certain tasks. For example, Women are able to do multiple tasks at once. Which uniquely qualifies them to take care of the children. Have you ever seen a husband with three kids trying to keep up with all of them? It's like a circus because they are probably all three going in different directions and he can't follow them all at once.
On the other hand, Men were designed to be task oriented and very good at doing one thing at a time. That's the way God designed it to be. The challenge in marriage, and it is a significant one, is to discover the talents, skills and abilities that each person has and then make those team assignments to best use those talents.
Marriage works best when its a team effort! Try making those assignments today based on who is best equipped to do them. You'll have a winning team if you do!
Blessings.
The best marriages are always team efforts. Just like in football, each member of the team has their own assignment. The offensive linemen have to block the defensive linemen. The tight end has to block his man, the running back on a pass play has a blocking assignment. If someone misses their assignment it usually means a busted play.
In marriage, all the assignments have to be covered. Someone has to make the money, someone has to pay the bills and balance the checkbook. someone has to keep the house. Many of these tasks should be shared like rearing the children.
God designed marriage to be that way. When He created Men and Women, He designed them to be uniquely qualified for certain tasks. For example, Women are able to do multiple tasks at once. Which uniquely qualifies them to take care of the children. Have you ever seen a husband with three kids trying to keep up with all of them? It's like a circus because they are probably all three going in different directions and he can't follow them all at once.
On the other hand, Men were designed to be task oriented and very good at doing one thing at a time. That's the way God designed it to be. The challenge in marriage, and it is a significant one, is to discover the talents, skills and abilities that each person has and then make those team assignments to best use those talents.
Marriage works best when its a team effort! Try making those assignments today based on who is best equipped to do them. You'll have a winning team if you do!
Blessings.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Finebaum Show on Tiger Woods
Jamie and I were on the Paul Finebaum show again today. Paul asked us to come up and talk about the Tiger Woods situation after his press conference last Friday. Its really an interesting time to get feedback from a mostly secular audience on why Tiger has done what he has done.
Of course we got called bigots a few times because we come at this from a faith in God viewpoint. But honestly, Tiger is a lost puppy in this situation because he has no moral foundations that underpin his behavior so it has been very difficult for him to come to the realization that he messed up big.
We both hope and pray that Tiger finds God in this. I mean Jehovah, not Buddha or whatever else is out there. Without the Holy Spirit leading him through this, it will be impossible to effect the kind of change necessary for him to put his life back together. As I said on the show, it is not within him to be able to do it. He's got to have a higher power. That is Jesus operating through the Holy Spirit to lead him inot the truth.
I for one will be pulling for Tiger to get his life back together and reconcile with his wife. There are children involved and the best daddy for them is Tiger. Let's hope that happens soon.
Blessings,
Of course we got called bigots a few times because we come at this from a faith in God viewpoint. But honestly, Tiger is a lost puppy in this situation because he has no moral foundations that underpin his behavior so it has been very difficult for him to come to the realization that he messed up big.
We both hope and pray that Tiger finds God in this. I mean Jehovah, not Buddha or whatever else is out there. Without the Holy Spirit leading him through this, it will be impossible to effect the kind of change necessary for him to put his life back together. As I said on the show, it is not within him to be able to do it. He's got to have a higher power. That is Jesus operating through the Holy Spirit to lead him inot the truth.
I for one will be pulling for Tiger to get his life back together and reconcile with his wife. There are children involved and the best daddy for them is Tiger. Let's hope that happens soon.
Blessings,
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Marriage Secrets
People ask us all the time, What's the secret to a happy marriage? We've been counseling and mentoring married couples for 15 years now and it always comes back to this simple truth. When couples come to us about their marriage relationship, we always ask them about their relationship with Jesus.
The truth is that Jesus transforms our lives. If we will allow Him to come into our lives and start a relationship with Him, He will begin to change things. I had a major problem with anger when Jamie and I first married. I would come home form work angry about something that happened and I would take my anger out on her. It got so bad that something had to be done.
I remember talking with her one evening and she told me that if things didn't change that she wanted us to separate. It really got my attention and I wanted to know how to get rid of the anger inside of me. We prayed together and asked the Holy Spirit to show us the root cause and then show us how to get it out and eliminate it.
The Holy Spirit showed us what to do and we did exactly what He said. Little by little, the Holy Spirit begin to change me and my anger evaporated. Looking back on it now years later, the solution seemed so obvious. But in the heat of it, Satan had blinded my eyes to the truth. As scripture states, you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free!
Jamie and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas praising the Lord of Lords and King of Kings! He is the Truth that sets us free
The truth is that Jesus transforms our lives. If we will allow Him to come into our lives and start a relationship with Him, He will begin to change things. I had a major problem with anger when Jamie and I first married. I would come home form work angry about something that happened and I would take my anger out on her. It got so bad that something had to be done.
I remember talking with her one evening and she told me that if things didn't change that she wanted us to separate. It really got my attention and I wanted to know how to get rid of the anger inside of me. We prayed together and asked the Holy Spirit to show us the root cause and then show us how to get it out and eliminate it.
The Holy Spirit showed us what to do and we did exactly what He said. Little by little, the Holy Spirit begin to change me and my anger evaporated. Looking back on it now years later, the solution seemed so obvious. But in the heat of it, Satan had blinded my eyes to the truth. As scripture states, you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free!
Jamie and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas praising the Lord of Lords and King of Kings! He is the Truth that sets us free
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