When is Divorce acceptable?

Years ago as Jamie and I were beginning our marriage ministry, we spent many hours pouring over the scriptures and meeting with ministers whom we respected to get their input on divorce among Christians.

Unfortunately in the church today divorce is as prevalent inside the church as it is outside it. The percentages are that 50% of marriages will end in divorce whether non-Christian or Christian. That led us to really begin thinking about the reasons for divorce and are there ever reasons beyond the obvious that square with scripture?

Jesus, when answering the Pharisees, gives us the foundational wisdom on divorce: Matt. 19:8-9 Amp "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for immorality and marries another woman commits adultery."

We find that husbands and wives hearts get hardened toward each other and give each other no grace. Then it is almost impossible to work with them to reconcile their differences. However, what about abuse and neglect notwithstanding adultery? Are there some situations in which divorce is warranted when adultery is not present?

Scripture does not speak to it directly, however, we do get some guidance from Paul in I Corinthians 7:10-16. Paul makes a distinction between a believer married to an unbeliever and a marriage between two believers. In the first case, he instructs the believer to stay with the unbelieving spouse as long as they consent to live together. But if the unbelieving spouse chooses to leave, let them leave. The believing spouse is not under bondage in such cases.

A very wise pastor whom we respect very much took those passages and expanded on them to include a believer who was acting as if he/she were an unbeliever. In other words being abusive or neglectful of their spouses' and children's needs. So in that case you could apply Paul's logic that the believing spouse was not bound because of the unbelieving spouses' actions.

Jamie and I have always been troubled by the number of Christian couples that divorce where adultery is not involved. Many times they just did not seek to meet each others needs and eventually their hearts became hardened toward each other and their love died.

If you're in that situation today, you and your spouse are at odds with each other, not giving each other any grace and hardening your hearts, I beg you to stop and look at what you are doing. If you are Christians perhaps the Holy Spirit will remind you of Jesus' words to the Pharisees- "it is because of your hardness of heart that Moses allowed you to divorce." But it was never intended to be that way.

Please consider that God hates divorce for what it does to his children. It destroys relationships and devastates their families. If you are in that place today, please get help now. God heals and is ready to heal your marriage, to break down the hardness in your heart and put your relationship back together.

We are always here for you to contact us. We will meet with you and invite the Holy Spirit into your relationship to show you how to heal it!
Blessings.